Day 7 – 29 October:

Michelle: This day stands out as one of those epic days you won’t forget in a hurry. And not for a good reason. Mike had gone for a cycle, my folks were visiting to help out with Rachel, and I was stressed about Conor. The nurse came for her daily check, and he had lost more weight, more than was acceptable or healthy. His jaundice levels had come down a bit so the light bed could go, at least. His weight loss was concerning, and the nurse and I had a disagreement about his feeding. I was battling to get anything in him and when I pumped out milk, she battled to give it to him via a bottle. She finally succeeded but it was a struggle.

She called the paediatrician. I spoke to him and made an appointment for the next morning. I was very shaken (and hormonal I guess) so phoned Mike in tears and asked him to please cut his ride short and come home. The day went from bad to worse. Try as I might, I could not get Conor to feed. I pumped milk again, tried both breast and bottle, he was not interested. I had felt pretty confident and knowledgeable about breastfeeding, and I had good breastfeeding support resources, but nothing I tried worked. I was at a loss.

Mike saw, in the middle of the night, that I needed a break and some help. He tried to feed Conor with the bottle a number of times. It was unseasonably cold for October, but I kept telling him to strip Conor down to help wake him up to feed. He was worried about him getting cold. It was a stressful, tense and awful night.

Michael: A rough night with Rachel, guessing she needs some reassurance. I go for a cycle, on the way home I am phoned by Michelle to get formula, he is not gaining weight. When I get home, she had expressed four times the amount he would have consumed. Production is not the issue! He still sleeps a lot. The nurse recommends seeing the paediatrician in the morning. I spend the rest of the day playing with Rachel.

Not long into the night, everyone except Conor is awake. He is not feeding with Michelle so I try the bottle, he sips a little but not enough. Michelle says one way to wake a sleeping baby is to make them uncomfortable, or cold. It feels so wrong. We have our one and only disagreement about Conor..... Ever.