DAY 13 – 4 November

Michelle: Conor was in the mid-care section of the CTICU. The doctors were hopeful that the medicine would help his heart. The plan was to continue medicating him and if he was showing signs of improvement, they would start to wean him off the ventilator. Then I would be able to hold him. There was a leather Lazyboy type chair just outside Conor’s room, and I remember longing to sit in it cradling him. Every time I visited him I would tell him how much I loved him, that I was fighting with him, that I would fight for him if I could. That he was doing great, that I was proud of him, that he was strong. As I stroked his soft downy head, I would try and transfer something from me to him that would help – love, healing, strength, anything really. He was showing no real signs of improvement, but he was not deteriorating either. So, we would wait some more and see how he responded to treatment.

Michael: Friends and family help with Rachel and at home. Frees us up to focus on Conor in hospital and on Rachel when at home.

Being a routine guy, I try and find a new one. The visiting hours have changed, the care has changed so one adapts to that. But one also goes into a sort of autopilot mode. You take in what you can, you focus on what you can, and remember what you can. The kids take precedence over everything. People remind you to eat and sleep. Kinda hard when you are barely holding on yourself.